When I think back to my early years of motherhood, I honestly wonder how in the world I managed it all. When our third child was born, our oldest was only 2.5! I had to manage not only 2 toddlers’ bedtime and naptime routines, but also an inconsistent, unpredictable newborn. To make matters worse, Jimmy’s job at the time was very demanding which left me alone…with three babies…and my (soon to be eradicated) very “type A” personality.

To say I had my hands full was putting it way too lightly. Now that we have 5 children, many people look at me and say, “Are all these yours? How do you do it?” But I believe it was much harder back in 2006. Was it more difficult because I was so uptight? Or maybe because I was still trying to figure it all out? Or maybe it’s because now I have older children to help me manage the logistics? I’m still in the trenches of mothering young ones, but over the years I’ve learned some things about how to manage all ages of sleepers under the same roof. Here are some tricks and tips I’ve come to depend on so that everyone can get the rest they need.

1. Recognize that your children’s sleep is of utmost importance. It impacts how they learn, grow, interact with you, handle changes/transitions, etc. Make their sleep a priority  – even if family and friends don’t support the inconvenience of putting them to bed in the middle of social hour. The benefits of a healthy sleeper far outweigh the hoops we jump through to make it happen. It’s also vital that every child in your household understands how important sleep is and that it’s a top priority for your family. Make a big deal about what healthy kids they are because they practice healthy sleep habits every day!

2. Create a general daily schedule for your family that includes age appropriate sleep windows for each child. This can either be in your head or written down for all to see.  A regular, predictable daily routine gives kids and even babies comfort because they know what’s going to happen next. This not only makes naptime and bedtime less obtrusive, but they become a time of bonding that both parent and child welcome and enjoy. Scheduled mealtimes also ensure hungry tummies and quality family time. When schedules are unpredictable and all over the place, it also means that quality sleep and well planned meals are more difficult to come by. Organizing your day into blocks of time allows flexibility, but also gives the entire family a secure feeling in knowing what’s to come.

3. Prioritize which child’s “sleep tank” is the most empty  at each sleep period to determine who goes down first. When it comes to our “sleep windows,” whether it be naptime or bedtime, I always think back over the night+nap that came before, as well as each child’s mood+manageability that day. In our family, I tend to put the kids into two groups (the littles – ages 2 and 1, and the older kids – ages 9,8 and 6). In each group I decide who needs the most sleep and that child goes to bed first within their “window”. For example, if Caleb (2) took a long time to fall asleep the night before and generally seems out of sorts, while Faith (1) slept a full 12 hours and is a happy girl, I would put Caleb down for his nap before Faith, even though he’s older. However, if they are both happy and both slept well, I’d shoot to have Faith in bed first because she is younger and generally needs more sleep than Caleb. When it comes to sleep, each child’s tank is always fluctuating depending on their quality of nightsleep and if they’re young enough, their nap length, too. Always judge the bedtime based on these two things and never assume that the older child should wait for sleep just because of their age! Sometimes it’s ok to make the little ones wait so that the “emptiest” sleep tank can get filled up promptly.Notice the sleep time frames are pretty broad and leave room for variation. I make a point to stay consistent most days so that it lines up with each child’s natural biological need (12-1:30 nap window, 6:00-8:30 bedtime window) especially if we push the meals a little bit earlier on days/nights when they need to go down earlier. On days when we have something out of the ordinary, the kids are easily adaptable because all of the other aspects remain unchanged and the next day we go back to our trusty routine. If I weren’t there, the older kids are so accustomed to this routine that they would most likely follow it without any guidance!

4. Figure out what to do with the other kids while you’re putting one to bed. This is half the battle and probably why most of you are interested in this topic! I struggled with this in the early years and honestly always felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants most days. Sometimes it would go smoothly and no one would be screaming impatiently for me, while other days everyone (including me) ended up in tears!  The magic system: Plan ahead and start earlier than you think you should. It will always take you longer than you expect because distractions are inevitable. Give yourself plenty of time so that frustration can’t creep in! Plan what the evening will look like. Don’t just begin the bedtime routine and expect your toddler to wait patiently for you to feed the baby and rock her to sleep.  Include him into the routine as much as possible – let him help dress her, sing to her while you change her diaper, rock his own baby, etc. Another thing I used to do is put the toddler either right there on the floor with me or in his crib with some unfamiliar toys and books that would hold his attention. This took pre-planning to have toys ready and to switch them out every couple of days so that he didn’t grow tired of them. If it’s naptime and the baby won’t sleep without your undivided attention, put your toddler in a contained space like a highchair and give him a cookie sheet with yogurt to “fingerpaint”, eat, explore and make a mess with. Oftentimes before bed I give the littles a bath and get the baby dressed right there in the bathroom while the toddler plays happily in the bathtub. On many occasions I’ve even nursed her on the floor beside the tub! Seriously, whatever works to get you through, just do it! If it’s the toddler’s turn to go to bed first, try wearing your baby while you get him ready for bed or put her in a bouncy seat with an unfamiliar arch to hold her attention for awhile. Sing while you’re dressing, brushing teeth etc. to distract the baby from realizing you’re not tending to her. Include her in looking at the pictures of the book you’re reading to your toddler, etc.

5. Create a bedtime routine that is fast and effective.  This involves slowly peeling the onion until you’re left with a bedtime routine for each child that is consistent but not laborious. No matter what steps you follow, make sure they are always the same. By keeping the routine timely, you will be less tempted to cut parts out or rush through it. This should be an enjoyable time with the goal of bedtime in mind – not a long road with too many pitstops that make everyone frustrated and weary! Many parents think that the bedtime routine has to include every possible snuggle factor under the sun. The reality is that long drawn out bedtime routines often lead to more procrastination in the toddler years and bring them to the brink of becoming overtired. With multiple children waiting for your attention at bedtime, do everyone a favor and find a balance between quality time and efficiency. Our bedtime routines last about 15 minutes max (after the bath) and include getting pj’s on, brushing teeth, potty, one book, “Jesus Loves Me” song, prayer and a kiss goodnight. After these steps are completed I do not engage in conversation because it’s time for sleep!

6. Above all, know that bedtime and naptime with multiple children is stressful for every parent! Planning ahead will definitely help you feel more in control, and a manageable routine for each child will take the pressure off, but with little ones you never know what you’re going to get. Sometimes it’s inevitable for one child to fuss and cry while you get the other one to sleep – it’s all part of them learning patience and getting used to the reality that Mommy has other children to care for. I always tell myself that the best lesson children can learn in life is that their needs will always be met, but not always how and when they want them to be! This is a natural part of growing up and being part of a loving family. Give yourself some grace and relax knowing that you’re doing the very best you can do with each blessed moment while caring for your children, and tomorrow is a brand new day.