Keeping Sleep Habits Healthy When Kids Get Sick
Has your child recently been sick? Is she better now, but still wakes at night for a feeding or climbs into your bed for extra snuggles to help her sleep? This is when bad habits start, and good sleepers begin expecting special treatment when they would otherwise be sleeping independently.
What is a parent to do when her child gets stuck in this rut? How can she get her back on track now that she’s healthy again?
Don’t let them fool you…babies and toddlers, although young, have amazingly accurate memories when it comes to our responses during sleep periods. When we offer more comfort than they need, they tend to take it and run with it…cry or fuss until we continue that same level of interaction.
The same is true if we withhold our attention and go back to the way we typically respond – they remember. Don’t be afraid to jump back into what you feel comfortable with just because she’s gotten used to being pampered while sick! Typically after the first night or two, she’ll resume her normal sleeping patterns as long as the habits didn’t drag on too long.
So…
1. If she normally sleeps 12 hours through the night without a feeding, but a bottle/nursing became the only way to help her fall back to sleep while she was sick, it’s ok to just go cold turkey and refrain from feeding her through the night soon after she is feeling better. The first night she’ll ask for it and cry in protest, but if you can comfort her without feeding her and remind her of her previously healthy sleeping habits, she’ll quickly bounce back and start sleeping 12 consecutive hours without a fuss. If you feel her body has shifted to requiring these calories at night, slowly wean her from these feedings by offering less milk/formula for one night feeding at at time. For example, since her illness she started taking 2 bottles, one at midnight and the other around 4am, start with the midnight feeding and offer 2 ounces instead of 5. When the bottle is empty, put her into her crib immediately whether she’s awake or asleep. If breastfeeding, limit it according to minutes instead of ounces. If she normally nurses for 15 minutes during these feedings, cap the first one at 5 minutes and then put her down. After she’s successfully nixed that first one, repeat for the 4am feeding.
2. She had breathing issues for two-weeks and it scared you to leave her alone. You decided to let her sleep in your bed so that you could keep a close eye on her. This is completely understandable, but can definitely create an expectation that this is the new normal! Because of the length of this pattern, it’s more difficult to break away from it. As soon as you feel she’s in the clear, move her back to her own crib/bed. If she struggles, sit next to her bed for 2-3 nights while she falls asleep. On the 4th night, tell her you’ll sit with her for a bit but you’ll leave while she’s still awake. Gradually shorten this duration over the course of 7 nights until you’re doing the bedtime routine, sitting next to her for less than 5 minutes, and leaving while she’s awake so that she can fall asleep independently.
3. Similar to the situation above, you didn’t want her to be alone while she was sick so you laid next to the crib or in her bed throughout the night. Now it’s been over two weeks so things won’t correct themselves easily. To gently remind her that she’s capable of falling asleep alone, sit by her crib/bed for 3 days, and then every 4th day move a bit further away until eventually you’re outside her doorway when she’s falling asleep. This process takes 10-14 days. Try not to give her attention throughout this process but remain in your designated spot each night until she falls asleep on her own. Every time she calls for you throughout the night, sit in the same spot. It’s important to continue moving the chair even if she’s doing great. The visible progression is the key!
4. Her naps were cut short because she was uncomfortable and you couldn’t bear to leave her alone knowing she was in pain. Understand that now short naps are her new routine. It means that she became accustomed to you giving her attention and coming to her rescue right when she woke up each time. This creates a pattern and expectation that encourages early wake-ups. To make sure this doesn’t become a permanent issue, hold off from going to her right away as soon as you know she’s feeling even the tiniest bit better. Even if you start out waiting just 5 min. before going in, that’s a step in the right direction! Gradually increase her wait time until she’s waiting at least 30 minutes. Soon she’ll start sleeping longer stretches at naptime and her sleep patterns will be back to normal.
This time of year brings with it many challenges when it comes to illnesses and their impact on sleep. Of course we’re going to love on our kids more when they’re not feeling well, but that doesn’t mean we should take it to the next level and create dependencies for them. Our desire to help ends up hurting when we continue coddling our kids!
The bottom line is, the longer you let the bad habits stand, the harder it will be to get things back on track and the more she will fight it! As soon as you see her symptoms improve, gently start holding back a bit from the extra attention during sleep periods. With most illnesses, by the 4th day the worst is behind them, so this is a good time to start getting things back to normal.
Has this ever happened to you? What kind of rut did you find yourself in as a result of an illness? How did you get your child sleeping well again?
Wow this spoke to me directly as I was sitting my my sons rocking chair on my phone, in the dark, waiting for him to fall asleep! (In his crib). It’s been 6 days since he got sick with a stomach bug, but this is the first time him being sick has affected his sleep routine. My son is 2 and is generally a great sleeper, with occasional wake ups but has always gone down easily for bed and naptime. It happened that when he got sick, he was spending the night at my parents. The first night back with us, he was still pretty sick and fell asleep easily. Since then, every single night, he whines and cries on as soon as we try to put him in the crib and walk out. I finally discovered that he would quiet immediately if I told him I would sit in the rocker for a bit. But I have to wait til he is fully sleeping to sneak out because otherwise it starts again. And I tried letting him cry it out but it’s not working like I did when he was a baby (which only took him 20 mins). He is way more aware now and not having it. He’s doing it at nap time too. The other thing is that when my mom mother in-law puts him down, he doesn’t give them any issues, so it’s clearly not a universal issue. I’m thinking this is a combination issue from being sick, and a 2 yr old phase with separation?I know we’ve probably taken it too far by sitting in his chair while he falls asleep 6 days in a row and I really want to break this habit and get back to our old ways! Especially since I am due with #2 in 2 months! Any suggestions or ideas would be much appreciated!!
Hi Lauren! The concerns you’re describing are strictly behavioral at this point. The #1 clue is that he doesn’t act like this when other people are in charge of putting him to bed! If he were my child, I would go back to however you handled bedtime before he got sick. If he cries a lot, go to him and pat his back, sing him your bedtime song, etc. for 30-60 seconds and then leave. This isn’t to soothe him, it’s to REMIND him that it’s his job to fall asleep. You need to take yourself out of the equation as much as possible or he’ll continue thinking he has a hold on this! Do this reminder check every 15-30 minutes until he is asleep. It will be tough for 3-4 nights, but if you stick with it you’ll see him revert back to his healthy sleeping ways 🙂 Hang in there!
Thanks so much Laura! So do I pick him up at all or no?
This is completely up to you and extremely reliant on his personality! If picking him up helps him by calming him down, makes him feel more comfortable, etc., then go for it. But if he cries harder after you lay him back down and it seems to make matters worse, just soothe him from the side of the crib/bed. If picking him up works well while he’s sick, try to limit it to 2-3 days and then go back to your normal responses! You don’t want him to learn to expect that kind of treatment every time he calls out or else he’s continue crying for it even when he’s feeling 100%. I hope this helps!
on this topic…. my 6th month old has picked up a cold, clearly he’s not 100%, fussy, snuffly nose etc. He’s on a routine, he’s a big baby so he needs a certain amount of sleep during the day to ensure he sleeps well at night. The question is, he wants to sleep more than usual during the day due to being unwell, do i let him and just deal with the consequences if he’s up in the night because of the longer day sleeps??
Hi Jessie! Definitely let him sleep, but there still needs to be a bit of a boundary to make sure he’s getting the highest quality sleep possible. For example, if he seems super tired in the morning, put him down at 8:30am at the earliest but wake him by 11am at the latest. Plan to put him down for another nap 2-3 hours after he wakes from the morning nap depending on how tired he is, and then wake him no later than 5pm to keep his bedtime at a healthy start time of 8pm. I doubt more daytime sleep when he’s sick will interfere with his night sleep! Sleep begets sleep, so the more he gets during the day when his body needs it to heal, the more he’ll want at night. I hope this helps!
Thank you – really appreciate your advice, i’ll follow this.
Many thanks x
Hi. I have found this article as I was looking if it would be a bad idea to have my 12 month baby girl in bed with me while she is unwell. She has tosilitus and is on antibiotics. She was whimpering all through the night last night. She has always been a good sleeper, and has a good routine. My worry is she will always want to sleep with me if I start.
Do you think it will have a big impact on her if it is only a couple of nights? Would I be better keeping her in her own room, and get up when she needs me?
Hi Sara! I’ve found that habits form if we do something extra for 3 days in a row or more. With that said, for the first two nights, do whatever is needed to help her sleep. Hold her, sing to her, rock her, nurse her…anything and everything that brings her comfort! On the third night, offer extra soothing, but start to revert back to the healthy sleep routines she had in place before she got sick. By the 4th night, make sure things are as back to normal as possible. I hope she feels better soon!
Hi- we’ve finally gotten our almost two year old into decent sleep habits. However (as I’m sitting here holding him) he’s been sick with croup and bronchitis. He’s uncomfortable and miserable. He’s beginning to not nap long, or go down by himself..at night it’s the same….his coughing I’m sure is painful.
I’m afraid of creating bad habits, but also struggling because I know he isn’t feeling well.
I’d love some reassurance or guidance that I can get back on track easily as I know we all need sleep!!
Hi Amber! When our kids are sick, we need to comfort them. Don’t beat yourself up about giving him extra love when he’s under the weather! This is what mommmy’s are for 🙂 When he’s feeling better, follow the advice I posted in response to Allie’s question. Remember that he’s developing a new habit of being held even though he is still familiar with the old habits and routines. You have to be brave to remind him of the preferable sleep habits that worked well for him before he was sick. Don’t let him convince you otherwise!
My 16 month old got a horrible upper respiratory infection and would not sleep. She couldn’t breath laying down in her crib, so she began to fall asleep with us on an air mattesss in the living room. This has been going on for about a week. She is starting to get better and I need to get her back to normal. She used to ask to go to sleep on her own, I would Rock her to get her drowsy, and the. put herself to sleep.
Every time I try to put her in her crib she claws to me and tries to climb out. I put the mattress on the floor in her room and she will fall asleep on there if I lay with her until she is sleeping. I’m not sure how to get her back in her crib. Do I just put her in there and let her scream? I tried rubbing her back, but she just tries to climb on me.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Hi Allie! My recommendation would be to go back to what you were doing before she got sick. At her age, she still has a strong familiarity with it and knows that it’s her sleeping place. The reason she’s fighting it is because she prefers sleeping with you – can you blame her? 🙂 It’s time to get things back to normal, and she needs to understand that her actions won’t change your mind because you are her mother and you know what’s best for her. If you don’t feel good about putting her to bed and leaving, I would sit in the room without giving her any attention. Don’t speak at all or make eye contact when she’s fussing, just sit until she falls asleep. Regardless of what she does, just “be” there. When she’s asleep, leave. If she wakes in the night go back in and sit in the same place after a very brief kiss and reminder that it’s time for sleep. Don’t take her out of the crib. Pat the mattress and say, “it’s time for sleep” and pat/rub her back for a few seconds. Then sit and repeat what you did at bedtime. Do this for each wake-up that first night of the new routine. The next night, do the same thing but sit close to the door. The following night, leave the room after you put her in the crib and if she wakes in the night go to her, pat the mattress and remind her it’s time to sleep, pat/rub her back just for a few seconds, and leave before she falls back to sleep. I hope this is helpful!
Hi! The advice you’ve been giving is amazing. Lilly is going to be a year old in 2 weeks. She has always gone to sleep by herself for naps and at night time. She moved to her own room and cot at 3 months with no issues. We didn’t quite lose that night feed yet but we didn’t mind because she was so good at going to sleep by herself and then sleeping for 12+ hours! Anyway, we went on holiday for a month and she was in the same room as us right by our bed so that hasn’t helped; we got home and she’s had two bad illnesses in the last month, Hand foot and mouth and now a bad cough/cold/chest. She’s on antibiotics and she’s getting better however; my husband put her in bed with us a few nights ago, she slept right through the night which was such a relief after being torchered with broken sleep for a week of her being ill/restless. Anyway, the following night she woke for milk about 10pm and slept all the way through back in her own cot! The problem is now that at bedtime & naptime & in the middle of the night, she will only fall asleep on us. In our arms, on our shoulder, the second you put her down, she sits up, stands up, crying with her arms up wanting to be picked up. I do NOT agree with controlled crying. It’s not right or fair and it only increases their stress levels thus making it harder to sleep! So I need to know, what do I do to get her going to sleep by herself again like she once did? She will only fall asleep on me or daddy. She wakes up the second you put her in the cot, no matter how gently. I’ve tried putting her in when she’s sleepy but not asleep but she just wakes up and sits up and stands at the side of the cot crying wanting “up”! The moment I give in and pick her up, she’s asleep in seconds. And then it starts again. We can’t cope! It’s only been a few days and I will start to lose the plot now! It’s 5am and my husband got up, did the nightfeed and she wouldn’t go down in her cot so he’s left her in bed with me. She’s sound asleep. He gives in too easily!! I get why he does it though, to get that sleep! I’m gonna be on my own with her for the next 3 days/2 nights while he’s away with work. I need to crack this before he gets home!! I want my sleep back!! Hope my ramblings make sense!?
This is such a helpful site. My son is just over 2 (26mo to be exact) and has always been an amazing sleeper. Even during teething nights or sick times he would always sleep through the night 11-12 hours. We sleep trained him at 6 months by checking in every few minutes until he fell asleep. If he ever had any trouble our limit was to go in and comfort him from next to the crib after 10 min and stay no more than 30 sec – 2min, and repeat in another 10 min if needed.
Our daughter was born when he was 22 months old and we kept him in his room and crib using a sleep sack as he always has, to avoid too much change.
As of a month ago he’s been waking randomly – one morning at 5am (two hours before usual time) to start the day, and then other times at odd hours of the night (2/3/4am) screaming. He also started resisting his afternoon naps at home though he always falls asleep at nap time when we are out, and takes a 1.5 hour nap at daycare. As we were about to fix this sleep / nap problem by retraining – he got sick last weekend with a cold/cough, and continued his random wakings. Because I did not want to make him cry to make his congestion worse, my husband tried to bring him into bed but he has never slept with us. So as of the last 5 nights my husband has been sleeping in his room – one night in the crib until he fell asleep and then left, and then following nights on the floor outside crib. Goes back in when he wakes in middle of the night, not to make him cry. I was hoping he would be better by now so we could go back to old ways, but the longer we do this for, I know it’s going to be harder to go back.
I have 3 questions.
1) Do you have any advice on how to reset night sleep given current situation?
2) Do you have any advice for nap resisting?
3) Do you have any thoughts on how to handle nights during sickness- a comforting technique that doesn’t mess up the usual process too much (I.e not creating too much of a bad habit)?
Thank you so much in advance!