Do you ever feel like you’ve tried one thing after the next to solve your child’s sleep issues only to end up even more frustrated and confused? You read about 17 different solutions, try each one on for size, then before you know it your child is just as confused as you are and still no one is sleeping!

Now that I have a newborn again, I can totally relate to this. It’s called DESPERATION, amen?  Even as a sleep coach, I find myself saying aloud, “Have patience Laura. You know this is the answer!” But every fiber of my being wants to switch it up to see if there’s another, better way.

If you’re feeling this way…STOP! Instead of getting caught up in the viscous cycle that ends in more sleepless nights, take the time to do your research before haphazardly attempting to fix your child’s sleep problem. Here are a few things to consider before pressing on:

1. Talk to people who know more than you do about kids and sleep. Friends with older children, sleep consultants (ME!), pediatricians (be careful here though, some have very little training in this area), family members who have good sleepers, etc. can look at what you’re dealing with objectively and offer meaningful guidance. Take what they say and file it away as an option before deciding what’s best for your family. Keep into account the differences in what they experienced and your current circumstance and be realistic about where they’re coming from in comparison to where you are!

2. Think about your child’s personality. Just because you read on a really cool mom’s blog that her 5-month-old took long naps with her sweaty t-shirt wrapped around her baby doesn’t mean that tactic will calm your own little one. Similarly, if you were afraid of the dark when you were 4 it doesn’t necessarily mean that your child is climbing into your bed at night for fear of being alone in a dark room. I talk to so many parents who make assumptions about their child’s needs based on what they read or hear, instead of simply taking a closer look at what makes him/her tick. Your child’s personality has SO much to do with what sleep method will be effective in the long run. When you hear about something that works for one family, take a realistic look at how your child might react or interpret it before bringing it into your home.

3. Consider recent changes/stresses in your child’s life. This is a HUGE one! Our daughter, Faith (2), who has been 100% potty trained since December, started peeing on the floor and wetting the bed every singe night about 8 weeks before Samuel was born. I was in complete denial that it was connected with his upcoming arrival. I actually took her to the pediatrician because I thought she had diabetes! LOL!!! Looking back, it is so embarrassingly obvious to me now that she was worried about the upcoming changes in her little life. I tried changing naptime, bedtime, extra soothing, bribing her, threatening her, using different types of diapers, you name it, to get her to stay dry. If I would have thought through it and looked at the pregnancy/new sibling through her eyes I wouldn’t have wasted my time on all of those things. After I realized what was going on, I stopped focusing on it and let her just get used to having Samuel around, and she’s made great strides in staying dry both night a day (again) ever since.

One more thing to note here is that many times our efforts to solve a sleep issue when our kids are going through emotional stress can actually make matters worse. It’s very important that we take the time to seek this out before moving forward with any sleep training method! This is another reason why point #1 is important because talking to someone outside the home who knows and loves your child will be able to interpret some of what may be playing into the sleep problems you’re seeing.  Oftentimes managing a child’s stress in certain areas can fix sleep problems without any other intervention.

4. What is your current threshold for nurturing, your patience level, and your own level of exhaustion. I say “current” because where you are right now may not necessarily be where you want to admit you are. You may picture yourself as a mom that doesn’t get frazzled, a mom who is never tired no matter what motherhood throws your way. You may see yourself as super patient, nurturing and compassionate, calm cool and collected. But sleep issues can mask all that and make you resentful and angry toward your little night owl before you even realize what’s happening. Even though it’s hard to admit it, deep down you know that this sleep stuff is making you crazy, and if you look into the future you know that if this goes on another week, maybe two weeks, you’ll be a complete mess. Recognizing this is important because whatever sleep method you choose to solve your child’s current issues needs to work fast! You need something that is dependable and shows quick progress so that you can be the parent you want to be. On the other end of the spectrum, you may still feel very patient and willing to spend the man hours it will take to make changes gradually. Being aware of your own emotional state can  be the determining factor in what sleep solution will help your child the most.

5. Choose something that you can realistically stick with. If you want something to work, you have to be committed to it until the end, right? Nothing in life that’s difficult would ever be accomplished without someone involved who stays the course and doesn’t give up. But let’s be honest here. Some people just aren’t cut out for some things, and some people just aren’t cut out for some sleep training methods! I’ve worked with families who come to me wanting the most gentle method to teach their child to sleep well. So we start out the 2-week consult not letting the child cry for even a minute without the parents picking them up. This type of sleep training takes a lot of consistency, teamwork and an extreme amount of patience. 9 times out of ten the parents end up begging me to ditch the gentle method and guide them through a faster, less time intensive approach. Do I even need to point out that by choosing a method that was idealistic instead of realistic they cost their child a week or more of restorative healthy sleep?!?!

After you’ve looked at every angle, choose a method and then stay the course, no matter how hard it may be. Don’t try it one night and give up if it doesn’t “work” immediately. It didn’t take just one night for your child’s sleep issues to get where they are, and it won’t take one night or one magic strategy to make healthy sleep become a reality, so don’t give up too soon!

Give it a good solid week (at least) of using your method of choice before you throw in the towel. Be consistent and confident in your decision for every sleep period and chances are your discipline will pay off!